The One Last Party - Your Last Chance to Celebrate with Cast and Fans!
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies Chronicles: Art & Design
The One Last Party - Your Last Chance to Celebrate with Cast and Fans!
Dwarf yourself with Personalized Stamps - New Zealand Post Stamps
Thorin Oakenshield

Get emailed with every new post!

Weekly Newsletter

Select a list:

Archive for the ‘Parodies’ Category

Check out the Homes of Middle-earth

Bag EndEver fancied living in Gollum’s Cave?  Well now’s your chance.  This fun article writes up a number of places in Middle-earth in the manner of a realtor’s advert.

The illustrations are sourced from Karen Wynn Fonstad’s “The Atlas of Middle-earth“. A book which is a must-have for every Tolkien lover’s collection. (more…)

Posted in Creations, Fans, Parodies

Watch The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies trailer in silky smooth HFR!

vlcsnap-2014-11-07-05h46m53s225 YouTube recently enabled High Frame Rate (HFR) playback supporting 60 frames per second and the new Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies trailer is the first to take advantage of High Frame Rate. Click to watch the video, and when it starts click on the gear in the lower right and choose 1080p60.

Peter Jackson famously filmed the entire Hobbit trilogy in HFR, and every film has been available in theaters in this unique smooth format.

Gamers used to 60fps love it, cinephiles loathe the change from standard film 24 fps. Fans are growing accustomed to the new HFR smooth movie — and for good reason as many other filmmakers including James Cameron plan to utilize this enhanced film format. (more…)

Posted in Creations, Parodies, The Hobbit, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, Trailer

The nine habits of the highly successful Nazgûl

lord-of-the-rings-the-fellowship-of-the-ring-nazgul  
Why do some Nazgûl thrive when commanded to hunt their master’s stolen Ring while others falter under pressure?

Why do some revel in the responsibility of throwing down their enemy when others wither like fog in strong sunlight?

You might not know it, but nine (count them!) keenly honed success habits keep them hot on the trail.

Nazgûl apprentices, here are those nine instinctive habits that the most successful Ringwraiths employ to keep the Dark Lord number one.

Read and learn. (more…)

Posted in Creations, Fans, Fellowship of the Ring, Green Books, Lord of the Rings, LotR Books, Parodies, Return of the King, The Two Towers

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug as a cartoon strip

Continuing on from their comic strip version of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Motion Pictures Comics.com has released The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.

MP.DesolationOfSmaug.02.re-lettered.flattened.sm_
MP.DesolationOfSmaug.07.re-lettered.flattened.sm_
MP.DesolationOfSmaug.13.re-lettered.flattened.sm_

[Click here to see more]

Posted in Creations, Fans, Headlines, Parodies, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Another thirteen possible titles for The Hobbit: There And Back Again

Our earlier post suggesting a baker’s dozen of alternative titles for The Hobbit: There And Back Again proved quite the hit.

And because so many of you tossed in even more brilliant suggestions, we thought we might as well do a sequel.

Studios do it, so why not us? (more…)

Posted in Creations, Fans, Hobbit Book, Hobbit Movie, MGM, New Line Cinema, Parodies, Peter Jackson, Studios, The Hobbit, The Hobbit: There and Back Again, Warner Bros.

Thirteen alternative titles PJ should consider for The Hobbit: There And Back Again

It may be that Warner Bros., New Line and MGM are currently reconsidering exactly what they should call the final film of Peter Jackson trilogy of Hobbit films. Or maybe they’re not. Maybe it’s for some related thing (a video game tie-in, perchance?). We’re still not quite sure.

However, IF a title change is in the air, the smartmouths of the internets would like to put in their two bob and suggest some alternatives that could prove a hit with the punters. (more…)

Posted in Creations, Fans, Hobbit Movie, MGM, New Line Cinema, Parodies, Peter Jackson, Studios, The Hobbit, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, The Hobbit: There and Back Again, Warner Bros.

Watch The Hobbit re-rendered in the style of a classic 16-bit video game

8-bit-hobbit David Dutton over at Cinefix has created this remarkable 16-bit game-style version of The Hobbit films — at least the two films that we’ve seen to date.

If you ever played isometric arcade/adventure games such as the classic Knight Lore, or the hit strategy game Populous, you’ll get a kick out of this. Plus they’re running a competition with the opportunity to win a Limited Edition Collectors set of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.

(more…)

Posted in Creations, Fans, Gaming, Hobbit Movie, Parodies, The Hobbit, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Jig is up, April Fools day is now over

april-fools-day_GarfAs many of you might have guessed, there were a couple of stories posted today that were a few facts shy of truthfulness, courtesy of your very tricksy TORn staff on the occasion of April Fools Day. Currently, Warner Bros has no plans to move the release date of “The Hobbit: There and Back Again” to July 2015 or any other date, and no, Peter Jackson has not hired Leonard Nimoy to reprise his “Ballad of Bilbo Baggins” song for the closing credits. We also had a little fun over on the message boards, highlighted by this post by DanielLB. Turns out there were April Fools jokes all over the inter webs today, and even a few with actual advertising, such as the Cheeteau perfume, that smells like Cheetos. None for me, thank you very much. A quick google search should come up with some of the best, but this reporter rather liked the the PBS report on Dolphins shooting rainbows out of their beaks, or Westjet converting to Metric time and giving you a mathematical equation to figure out the time conversion. So if you were scratching your head, wondering if something we said was true or not, rest assured that the two stories mentioned above were not true, but the interview with Luke Evans and the spoiler analysis from Cinemacon were true. And if you would like a walk down memory lane to April Fools past, you can find them on the TORn Mathom-house Wiki.

And for anyone wondering why Garfield the Cat is being used here, the answer lies in my nickname.

Posted in ComicCon Rumos, Conventions, Director news, Fans, Fool, Hobbit Movie, Hobbit Movie Rumors, Original TORn, Other Events, Parodies, Peter Jackson, Premieres, soundtrack, Studios, The Hobbit, The Hobbit: There and Back Again, Warner Bros.

The DailyMash: Mordor Grand Prix announced

"People always say that one does not simply walk into Mordor. We want to show them that one in fact drives into Mordor."

“People always say that one does not simply walk into Mordor. We want to show them that one in fact drives into Mordor.”**

UK satire website The DailyMash has come up with this amusing take on the old “one does not simply walk into Mordor” chestnut. Enjoy!

(more…)

Posted in Fool, Lord of the Rings, Parodies

Rewrite Tolkien January Contest Winners

Extra_Extra2Thank you to everyone that participated in January’s Rewrite Tolkien contest – The Hobbit in the style of a newspaper article.  We received some great entries from around the world!

January’s contest winner is:

”Lake-town Welcomes Thorin Oakenshield” by Sanni Kanta-oksa of Finland

Sanni’s entry was read live on TORn Book Club (if you missed the latest episode, check it out on TheOneRing.net’s You Tube channel ), and has been reprinted below, along with the runner-up entry, “Disturber of the Peace” by Nancy Brown of England.

Congratulations to our winners, and stay tuned for information about February’s contest!

*************************************************************

”Lake-town Welcomes Thorin Oakenshield”- The Lake-town Post

by Sanni Kanta-oksa (Finland)

The heir of Durin has arrived in Lake-town and promises to bring wealth back to the city.

Thorin Oakenshield, the leader of the company consisting of 13 dwarves and one hobbit, arrived in Lake-town in the autumn of T.A. 2941. The visit has been cited as ‘historical’, for the purpose of the party’s quest is to reclaim Erebor, which has been conquered by the dragon Smaug.

The company sought the Master of Lake-town and claimed Thorin to be the King Under the Mountain. The news was greeted warmly by the Master, as Thorin promised to grant a part of the treasure of Erebor to the people of Lake-town.

”This is actually really good news to us,” the Master told to The Post. ”Our people have suffered from hunger and poverty, but now we can put an end to all our troubles. The King Under the Mountain has promised to donate us, say, a big amount of money and riches.”

The citizens of Lake-town know very well songs of the King Under the Mountain who comes to take back his kingdom and consequently brings better standard of living to the city. The background of these prophecies remains unknown and there is no evidence about their reliability, but the inhabitants seem to be positive and confident.

”I have three children to feed and my house leaks, as there is a big hole in the roof,” Ingrid, from the western Lake-town, says to The Post. ”No one comes to repair the roof as I really don’t have anything to pay them. But if the legends are true and we are about to become richer than we’ve ever dreamed, then there is nothing to worry about. My children will be able to eat as much as they ever want and we don’t have to suffer from that leaking roof anymore.”

However, there are some who remain skeptical. ”In spite of the prophecies, I do not think it’s wise to go near that mountain,” remarked Bard, a father of one son. ”I think these are things that are supposed to be left alone. They are not for us.” The grim archer considers the whole quest as a doomed trial. ”If they [the dwarves] wake that dragon sleeping inside the mountain, then we will all be destroyed.”

The Master doesn’t seem to be too worried about the question whether the trial of the improvident dwarves and a hobbit, who has been described as ‘an official burglar’, will share opinions among the inhabitants. ”There will be some opposing, of course, as there always is,” The Master said mysteriously. ”But I think that will end as soon as everyone gets their share of the treasure. That will silent even the rest of the doubters.”

According to an assistant of the Master, the company will stay at the town for two weeks. They will be taken good care of, as the city offers them food and warm bed so they can rest before the undoubtedly most dangerous part of their quest.

The company will be expected to leave in two weeks. SK

*****************************

Disturber of Peace returns! – The Shire Telegraph

Gandalf the Grey has been seen in Hobbiton, Hobbit has gone missing.

by Nancy Brown (England)

Gandalf the Grey, a wizard who is well-known in these parts for causing trouble wherever he goes has been seen wandering the Shire again for the first time since the Old Took died. He was last seen bothering a Mr Bilbo Baggins at his residence on the Hill in Hobbiton yesterday morning, who has not been seen since we spoke to him later that same afternoon. We have paid a visit to his home but received no answer.

The wizard is said to be responsible for the disappearings of many Hobbits. There have been numerous cases of quiet lads and lasses going off into the blue for mad adventures after hearing the remarkable tales which seem to follow him wherever he goes in an extraordinary fashion. He is often spotted with fireworks, especially when there is a party involved, which has given him the name “the Disturber of Peace”. It was the Old Took himself, Thain Gerontius who encouraged these firework displays.

Gandalf is first said to have visited the Shire during the Long Winter nearly two hundred of years ago where he supposedly helped to save the lives of many Hobbits, but despite his good deeds he has since become a bit of a nuisance around these parts. A dreadful famine followed the Long Winter and his visits have eventually become something of concern, especially for parents who do not wish to see their children disappear and perhaps never be seen again.

We spoke to Bilbo Baggins later that afternoon when he visited the shops. Mr Baggins is a very wealthy and respectable Hobbit whose mother is Belladonna Took and is therefore part of the Took Clan, who are very well known for their strange behaviour, having had more disappearances than any other family in these parts. A source has told us that as a child, Mr Baggins attended several parties to listen to Gandalf’s mad stories about Dragons, Goblins and princesses but we were assured that he had grown up to become a more sensible and unadventurous hobbit like his father. The Tooks may be well-known for having adventures but a Baggins is not. Bilbo told us he had no intention of disappearing. He said, “Well I could not believe it. There I was minding my own business when this wizard calling himself Gandalf showed up on the door step trying to get me to go on one of his terrible adventures. So I told him right away no. I said no hobbit around here will be having any adventures thank you very much! It is ridiculous to even suggest a Baggins would run off on some silly adventure”.

But Mr Baggins has not been seen or heard from since. Early this morning we received several unconfirmed reports of Dwarves sitting in the Green Dragon as though they were waiting for someone. We have spoken to one witness who claims he later saw Mr Baggins join them as though he was a friend with an outfit fit for walking and a well packed bag. The group are thought to have since left the Shire.

It appears that Gandalf’s latest visit has caused even more trouble and strange sightings than they normally do but if you see him or Bilbo return or have any other strange happenings to add to this story then please let us know.

Posted in Contests, Events, Fans, Parodies, The Hobbit

Gender switched Bilbo makes The Hobbit a better read

BilbetteFrom boingboing.net;  Michelle Nijhuis’s five year old daughter insisted that Bilbo Baggins was a girl. After arguing about it for a while, Michelle decided to read her The Hobbit, switching Bilbo’s gender-pronoun throughout. And it worked brilliantly. Bilbo is a great heroine: “tough, resourceful, humble, funny, and uses her wits to make off with a spectacular piece of jewelry. Perhaps most importantly, she never makes an issue of her gender — and neither does anyone else.”

(more…)

Posted in Fans, Hobbit Book, Parodies, The Hobbit

Rings comedy film ‘Rise of the Fellowship’ debuts on Netflix on January 3

rise of fellowship The Independent Critic has positively reviewed The Rise of the Fellowship, the ‘buddy-comedy written in honor of online gamers and The Lord of the Rings that will debut on Netflix on January 3.

The film, which won the GenCon 2012 Film Festival, is already available on VOD, iTunes, and Amazon.com.

(more…)

Posted in Creations, Fans, Lord of the Rings, LotR Movies, Parodies