(The following opinion piece is a follow-up to the Dec 2010 To Be Hot or Not? That is the Dwarf Question)

Forget Figwit. New dwarf snapshots arrived yesterday and there, in all of his glory, is what my fellow female TORn staffers are calling “Bigwit” – “Bilbo is great – Who is that?”

Yes, Kili is looking pretty damn good.

As I predicted, this movie isn’t going to be all bumbling, hairy, stumpy dwarves. Younger dwarves seem taller. Perhaps they shrink as they get older? Younger dwarves aren’t quite as hairy… well, it takes time to grow that much body hair, I guess.

I took a lot of flack for my last column, when I suggested Hollywood demands would force Peter to make the dwarves worthy of being on People Magazine’s “Most Beautiful” list.

Half of you seemed to think it blasphemous to suggest Peter Jackson can do anything wrong… and the other half of you thought that most of the actors were incapable of being Hot. So who are the shallow folks here, eh?

So far the balance is tipped in favor of not-hot. The Tolkien purist in me is glad. It would be distracting. I appreciate that Peter Jackson has cut the deck when it comes to hotness. We’ve seen seven dwarves thus far and Kili is the best of the bunch. Hey Fili, you’re no slouch either. The box-office gods will be pleased.

(Sorry, guys… I know the rest of you are all great actors.)

I was half of mind on this subject anyway. I didn’t want them to be hot. Not really… After all, the dwarves are supposed to be minor characters wearing rainbow-colored hoods. Cowering in canvas sacks.

Not these dwarves. These are some bad-ass dwarves. No goofy hoods here. If these dwarves grumble, it’s in rage. In fact, I can only imagine the goblins taking one look at this gang and stampeding in the other direction.

Richard Armitage told TotalFilm.com recently that this film is going to have “a lot more humor.” If by humor he means laughing ourselves silly when the Wargs set THEMSELVES on fire rather than risk getting close to those trees, well hell yeah, that’s funny.

Ok, so, we have a tough-looking company thus far. BUT… we’ve only seen seven:

Jed Brophy as Nori, Adam Brown as Ori and Mark Hadlow as Dori. John Callen and Peter Hambleton as the scariest Oin and Gloin you could imagine. Plus Dean O’Gorman as Fili and Aidan Turner as Kili.

Where’s Dwalin? What about Balin? Bifur and Bofur and Bombur? You never know. They’re not bad-looking guys.

And the big question … Thorin.

Oooh, Thorin.

Because, I’m telling you, Thorin is going to be the biggest, baddest, best-looking one of the bunch.

We think we see glimpse of him in the first photo of Bilbo released late June. There he is, glowering in the shadows of Bag End, looking like what my anonymous female staffers called “a goth Norse death-metal singer.”

And suspiciously hot. Now THAT’S what I’m talking about.


This is an opinion piece and does not represent views and opinions of TheOneRing.net as a whole.

maegwen is a long-time senior staffer and jokester who reigns in TORn’s chat room where she grumbles about Orli fangirls, the Scubbing Bubble Army of Death, Mumakil-surfing Legolas, and “Go home, Sam.” She is also vaguely mortified by her descent into Thorin-fangirlism.