We all know lists are ridiculously subjective. Ever tried to come up with your top four-and-a-half music albums of all time? Or your three favourite sightings of the Yeti? I bet they have no resemblance to mine.

So, in the spirit of that sort of subjectivity, here are nine things we were denied in the trailer that I reckon would have been really cool to see.

Why nine? Nine rings, nine Nazgul, nine walkers. Nine is a great number. Embrace it. Take it to a loud metal gig. Buy it dinner. Ten sucks.

Anyway…

Number 9. Sauron

Eye of Sauron
It’s a long way from Dol Guldur to Barad-dur floating in the back of a cart.

Sauron tearing the one remaining Dwarven ring from the possession of Thrain in the pits of Dol Guldur. Of course Peter Jackson’s Sauron is a flaming eyeball, and might find that difficult. But wouldn’t that have been seriously Tolkien nerdy?

Number 8. The Elven King’s halls.

The Halls of the Elven king
Tolkien’s sketch of the Elven king’s Halls.

Tell me you don’t want to see Tolkien’s sketch from the Hobbit gloriously re-created by those Weta Digital wizards. It’ll be awesome.

Number 7. Orlando Bloom.

Legolas shield-surfing in the Two Towers
Remember this Legolas moment at the Hornburg? Yeah, I’d repressed it too.

Orli’s going to have to work hand to out-comedy Bombur and out-shoot Kili. Simple dwarf tossing won’t be enough. (Besides, Bombur would be too heavy) Maybe he’ll paraglide into the Battle of the Five Armies off the back of an Eagle. I reckon he’d be ace at HALO jumps.

Number 6. The Master.

Stephen Fry as Lord Melchett in Blackadder
The toadying Lord Melchett.

Of Laketown, that is (though I do love me some Roger Delgado). Have you ever seen Blackadder? Check out Stephen Fry as the pompous Lord Melchett in season two, or as the stark, raving mad General Melchett in season four to get an idea of just how well he’s going to fit this role.

Number 5. The goblin chief.

Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Trailer
Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Trailer

In fact, orcs and goblins in general. The trailer for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is a goblin and orc-free zone! Well, that’s certainly unexpected.

Number 4. Giants!

Giants and footballs
What a giant kicking a football might look like.

I certainly would have loved to have seen these enigmatic creatures of Tolkien’s that never appear in Middle-earth except for a few obscure references in the Hobbit. The lack makes me want to kick people sky-high like a football.

Number 3. Eagles!

You'll have to wait a bit longer to see eagles
Will we get an eagle air-service?

In this trailer, the eagles don’t dare. Maybe they were fog-bound.

Number 2. Speaking trolls.

But does it talk?
A cave troll. Does it talk?

We got roaring, fighting trolls. But do Bert and Ernie … I mean, Bert, William and Tom speak? Cockney accents? I’m sorry, that’s still highly classified.

Number 1. Smaug.

Smaug!
There’s your Smaug!

Might as well have wished for next week’s winning lotto numbers. For now, you’ll have to content yourself with some pretty cursive script and Tolkien’s famous map sketch.

Bootnote: please excuse my terrible html. I’m a writer, not a coder.

Comments

  1. Arod

    We probably will see smaug in TH2. Another year till that lol 

  2. Arod

    We probably will see smaug in TH2. Another year till that lol 

  3. Arod

    We probably will see smaug in TH2. Another year till that lol 

  4. Helen

    Fabulous piece of writing… love the references to HALO and Monty Python… has made my afternoon complete. 😀

    • Robin Moss

      Pretty sure it was HALO as in High Altitude Low Opening parachute drops rather than Halo the game series.

  5. Dr_gingivitis

    Several of the items mentioned, Smaug, The Master of Laketown, and maybe the Elven King’s Halls, probably do not appear in the first movie, as they are all in the later half of the book.  Of course, I guess there may be some images of Smaug as the dwarves tell the strories to Bilbo, but I suspect we’ll barely catch a glimps of him and The Master for two years.

  6. Dr_gingivitis

    Several of the items mentioned, Smaug, The Master of Laketown, and maybe the Elven King’s Halls, probably do not appear in the first movie, as they are all in the later half of the book.  Of course, I guess there may be some images of Smaug as the dwarves tell the strories to Bilbo, but I suspect we’ll barely catch a glimps of him and The Master for two years.

  7. Zaakistan

    I think most of these will be in The Hobbit Part II.

  8. Zaakistan

    I think most of these will be in The Hobbit Part II.

  9. Anonymous

    For one thing, this was the trailer for the first film, which I don’t believe Smaug/Thranduil/Legolas/Eagles will be in. Secondly, they haven’t even finished filming the principle footage yet. Give them time.

  10. Anonymous

    For one thing, this was the trailer for the first film, which I don’t believe Smaug/Thranduil/Legolas/Eagles will be in. Secondly, they haven’t even finished filming the principle footage yet. Give them time.

  11. Lighttfoot

    Give it time.  There will be more trailers – we have a whole year to wait.

  12. Lighttfoot

    Give it time.  There will be more trailers – we have a whole year to wait.

  13. Negaspam

    As the trailer is only for the first half of the two-part film, I did not expect there to be virtually any footage post-Mirkwood—no Smaug, no Bard, no Battle of the Five Armies, no eagles, etc.

    My guess at this point is that the first film will close with a shot of the company leaving Mirkwood, and gazing across to the Lonely Mountain. But that’s just a guess.

    • Mike Hodson

      They left Mirkwood in/on barrels, so maybe not the best moment to conclude the first movie…but maybe, just after they are opened up, would be a good time to pan over to the mountain and drop the ‘To be Continued’. 

  14. Negaspam

    As the trailer is only for the first half of the two-part film, I did not expect there to be virtually any footage post-Mirkwood—no Smaug, no Bard, no Battle of the Five Armies, no eagles, etc.

    My guess at this point is that the first film will close with a shot of the company leaving Mirkwood, and gazing across to the Lonely Mountain. But that’s just a guess.

  15. HuanCry

    What about Beorn !!!!!!! … I amazed to left out Beorn !

  16. Striig

    keep in mind that there is two movies, and half of things here is probably going to be in the second movie…

  17. Master of Chronicles

    Alas, I must bring myself to agree with everything you said. But hence the definition of the word ‘teaser’, Peter Jackson wants us clawing and begging for more and based on the number of hits The Hobbit Trailer got on YouTube we are likely to. Though I personally would like to add my own nine tidbits, if that’s all right. (Spoilers!)

    9. The White Council.

    Yes we have had hints about it, with Elrond and Gandalf, even seeing Galadriel in the trailer and we have seen Lee’s Saruman in the production videos. But there is at least one other member of the council, Cirdan, an elf with a beard no less! And after that there’s another possible three members. Will Peter Jackson include them all, or just leave it to the first four? A quick shot of all of them sitting around a table would’ve been nice.

    8. Lake Town.

    Will it be all made with Weta Digital, or will they build the entire place on location like they constructed Edoras in The Two Towers? Of course it might not have even been filmed yet, but that would have sent me spinning!

    7. Wolves.

    The Wargs in the films were great, but were definitely more snarling hyenas than howling wolfs. With other franchises sinking their teeth into large, hairy werewolves such as Twilight and Underworld, just how different will the Hobbit’s wolves appear? Will Peter keep his original design, or will they be as Guillermo del Toro described, more the demonic Norse wolf of legends?

    6. Butterflies.

    Why would anyone in there right mind choose the scene where Bilbo climbs a tree in Mirkwood and sees hundreds of butterflies rather than vicious attacking mountain wolves? This is a personal favorite, I confess, because when I read this section in the book, at that very moment, I swear I became Bilbo Baggins, looking out over a sea of trees with purple butterflies floating all around me. It’s the most beautiful part of the book, I think.

    5. The War of Dwarves and Orcs.

    The Hobbit mentions massive, epic battles of armies of dwarves bringing on the hurt to large armadas of orcs, and how cool would it be to see hundreds…no…thousands of dwarves marching underground for battle in flashback! And hopefully to get a glance of how Thorin earned the name Oakenshield.

    4. The Desolation of Smaug.

    Unlike my esteemed college who wrote the article above, I would not like to see Smaug just yet. Let’s just say I have been let down with all the dragons out there since Dragon Slayer and Dragon Heart. Call it lack of faith, but I would much rather see the lands Smaug had ravaged to get a good idea the amount of destruction he can cause, and to see the company of dwarves (and hobbit!) carefully sneak their way along, than see the worm himself. When I read it as a kid, all I imagined was parched ground. But how will the former horror/splatter director handle it?

    3. Beorn (Human).

    I want to see the beard and that axe! The fierce to his enemies yet kind and joking to his friends skin changer has such an important role to play that I was surprised not to have seen him. If you take the time to think about it, Beorn is basically the coolest Vegetarian of all time! Where’s my honey and cream!!?

    2. Beorn (Bear).

    Mind you all I want is a glimpse. Just what kind of bear will he be? Black bear, grizzly, or a dark colored polar bear? Will he be a combination of several species? Just how big will he get?

    1. The Worm.

    Ok, I lied. I want to see Smaug. Or at least hear his voice.

    Clearly many scenes will have to be saved for the film only, or else there will be little to look forward to. The best trailers keep us guessing!
     

    • Katharine


      clawing and begging for more”

      Who’s clawing and begging?  Certainly not me 😉

      /sarcasm

  18. Aske

    Where is The Lonely Mountain? 

    That is my no. 1 🙂

  19. What form is Sauron.years since I’ve read it…smokey shadow or am i getting mixed up?

  20. Ragnarokkr

    Sauron is absent in The Hobbit (only mentioned bu the name “the Necromancer”) but  in the movie , PJ added dol Guldur and the fight between Gandalf and him.

    The Trolls are in the trailer but only the legs.

    Orlando bloom, Smaug and The Elven King’s halls will be in the second movie. The trailer is for the first movie except (maybe) the last shot with the ring in Mirkwood forest.

    Giants and eagles : The postproduction is hardly begun. It is necessary to be patient.

  21. Actually, there is an Orc or Goblin or something in the trailer. Gandalf is fighting one in a few quick shots.

    • Muppet Nº2

      He was Thrain

    • jonathan

      Actually, people believe that’s Thrain (in his crazy form).

    • Guest

      that   looks like thrain to me. 
      -g

    • Wilkr002

      Thats thorins father Gandalf fights mate. in the dungions of Dol Guldor

      • Ah, really? Wow. Show’s how long it’s been since I read the book. Or is that from the appendices?

  22. RickPaulPoole

    Beorn – Beorn – Beorn

  23. Hungryhobbit33

    Let us keep in mind, the teaser trailer only revealed next year’s movie- The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.  The 2nd half will probably include the Mirkwood Elves & Spiders, the Lonely Mountain, Laketown, and most importantly the Battle of Five Armies! 

  24. M

    You jest about Orlando Bloom paragliding and dwarf tossing jokes – the problem is; given the fan-boy audience he is catering to, these are distinct possibilities

  25. Made me chuckle, ergo brilliant 😉 Though I would really want to see the things in the list, I’m quite happy with the trailer as is as well.

  26. Glemli

    I agree with Ragnarokkr, I think the halls, Smaug and the Master of Laketown will be portrayed in the second movie ‘There and Back Again’. As for Orlando Bloom, I don’t even want him in The Hobbit! I think he’s just in for his pretty face, but -since he’s Thranduil’s son, he can have a non-speaking role (in my opinion).

    • Rockcleft

      They’ll probably have him insult/cause trouble for Gloin to create some dramatic “bad blood” to be referenced in LOtR by him and Gimli’s relationship.

  27. Lord Whiteman

    They will have to blow off the drinking game from the movies.
    Unless only elfin princes like Legolas are immune to alcohol while elfin guards
    are not.

  28. Philsphan13

    This was a trailer for Part 1. The master of Lake Town, Smaug, and maybe a few of the other items on the list will be in Part 2 only.

  29. Ben Coles

    Aren’t the majority of these set to appear in part 2 anyway?

  30. guest

    Haven’t there been rumours that Benedict Cumberbatch will be playing the Necromancer as well as Smaug?

  31. Scourer

    Of course Bert, William and Tom speak! It’s simply a matter of whether Jackson stays with it. Too often, the movies show weakness when straying from The Writer, or “historical account,” if you will. 😉

  32. Robert Williams

    We also have to remember, this is the “teaser trailer”.  There is most of a year to go, I’m sure there will be at least one(or more?) closer in to the movie release date that will have some new things in it.  Hmmm…the White Council someone mentioned…yes, Gandalf, Galadriel, Elrond, Cirdan, Radagast, and the leader of the Council…Saruman, at least.  Technically it should also include at least a few other Elves etc, but for the movie it will probably just be the above I would think…maybe not even Cirdan.  🙁

    Regardless, I can’t wait!

  33. John H

    What a dumb and pointless article.

    And maybe you were unaware of this, but pretty much everyone remembers Legolas’ high flying swashbuckling action scenes from Two Towers. I can’t watch that scene from Helm’s Deep with anyone without at least someone going “awww yeeaahhh” as Legolas surfs down the stairs on a shield. And that’s because it was awesome.

  34. Sours

    I agree those would be cool to see in the THEATRICAL trailer. As it is, this is the TEASER trailer only meant for you to want more and to intrigue people into the story. Just wait. By the time the movie comes out this year (hopefully before the world ends) there will be at the most three more trailers and then a bunch of tv spots.

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