Hobbit rap superstars Quickbeam and Bombadil, known in lands near and far as the Lords of the Rhymes, officially released ‘Lords of the Rhymes: The Untolde Tale’ today, instantly topping the Billboard charts, shredding all previously held sales records, and putting several small South Asian economies on the brink of collapse. The 40-minute feature — hailed by one critic as ‘the best piece of pure filmmaking ever executed’ and by another as ‘a surreal yet cardboard-infused journey into the proto-pubescent fantasy realm of two hairy-footed beatboxing wannabe hacks,’ — details the rise to stardom, the music, the hype, the fans, and the secret lives of MCs Quickbeam and Bombadil — aka the Lords of the Rhymes.

The film, directed by hip-hop aficionado Morgan Barnard (aka Curufin the Crafty), features interviews with the Lords and their managers, live performance footage, never-before-heard songs, scenes from the Lords’ “Lucky Charms” and “Irish Spring” commercials, archival footage of the Lords’ early days busking in the New York City subway, commentary on the history of hobbit rap by Tolkien Scholar Tayshaun Greensleeve, pedicures, music videos, elf-girls and much more… It is being released on a limited-edition, specially shrink-wrapped DVD which also contains a bevy of special features, including a 14-minute featurette on the making of the Lords of the Rhymes wildly popular music video.

The raucous and profanity-laced film recently caused an uproar at the Greater Hobbiton Film Festival, when the Sackville-Baggins Council on Good Hobbit Morals declared it unfit for public viewing. Despite this, bootleg copies made it out into the market, resulting in a near riot in South Bywater and several unwanted Elven pregnancies.

When asked if the Lords would be making any further forays onto the silver screen, rapper Quickbeam remarked: ‘This is only the beginning. We’re currently in the process of shooting a series of prequels. And then we’re going to singlehandedly re-enact the entire Silmarillion with all cardboard props. And if that fails, we can always be like our man Snoop Dogg and get into porn.”

“S’right” added Bombadil. “We’ve certainly got the feet for it.”

‘Untolde Tale’ is the Lords’ first feature film. In addition to its sold out engagements across Middle-earth, the film has also been screened at the First Annual Gathering of the Roleplayer’s Society of Greater Helsinki.