Transcribed by Ringer Spy DiamondTook

Craig Kilborn (CK): Our next guest is a talented British actor who has made
millions of fans around the world as the Hobbit Merry in “Lord of the
Rings.” Please welcome Dominic Monaghan.
Dominic Monaghan: (DM) [he enters, shakes CK’s hand and sits down]
CK: Nice to see ya
DM: You too. Wow [at audience cheering] , SIT DOWN!
CK: How’re you doing?
DM: I’m alright.
CK: So how did this movie change your life? If you just had to…
DM: Well I live in LA now
CK: yeah… [audience cheers]
DM: That’s kinda different, yeah… well. Um, its weird, you know when
things like this happen it IS your life. So you don?t really have any
concept of things changing. You… [it] just is your life. Your cool with
all of the kind of things that are going on.
CK: [interrupts] Well your big in England because of the TV series right?
DM: Uh, yeah. I was kind of, y’know I was on a TV program so they knew me.
I was doing theater over there. Y’know, not in any way near the kind of
worldwide phenomenon that Lord of the Rings has become.
CK: [Interrupts again] Yeah. this is huge right?
DM: Kind of crazy.
CK: Yeah, and how did it go at… what was it the Golden Globes you were
DM: Golden Globes! Yeah, Golden Globes was fun man. I, um [laughs] I think
I… I think I have a face that looks like I… I’m…
CK: [interrupts] trouble?
DM: … up to mischief.
CK: Yeah, yeah!
DM: Causing Trouble…
CK: Security grabbed ya? Or what did you do?
DM: They… I went out on the night before with my mates and because you,
in LA you need to bring your ID out with you all the time, Y’know.
CK: Sure.
DM: Uh, I lost my ID [shrugs] , so I turn up at the Golden Globes without
my ID, and I’m consistently carded all the way through.
CK: Oh Boy…
DM: Uh, And I’m totally cool with it- y’know you guys have got a job to do-
it’s ok but the people from NewLine that represented me are saying
[whispers] This guy’s in Lord of the Rings!
CK: He’s in what?
DM: [still whispering] He’s in Lord of the Rings!
CK: Lord of the Rings, right.
DM: He’s in one of the movies that is probably gonna win best picture
tonight d’ya want to let him through? [normal voice again] Ah no, no-
sorry can’t do it. Can’t do it.
CK: And what did you do? Did you loo…
DM: I just, you know, I smiled and, y’know kind of winked at the guys…
[gives a flirtatious wave- audience laughs]
CK: That’ll go over big!
DM: [pulls back innocently]
CK: Yeah, I wonder…
DM: Challenge authority!
CK: Yeah, challenge authority.
DM: Challenge authority!
CK: So You would admit that you have a look that… is dangerous, up to no
DM: I don’t know about dangerous, I don’t know about dangerous. But, you
know, cheeky…
CK: Cheeky.
DM: Uh, you know, I just… My mum always says, uh “Even if your not doing
something wrong you look like the guy who would be.”
CK: Yeah, yeah you’ve got that look! [audience cheers] So, you mention LA.
Now the weather out here is tremendous…
DM: [interrupts] fantastic!
CM: Fantastic.
DM: Yeah, not today.
CK: Not today.
DM: It’s more like Manchester today.
CK: Yes, but it is in general its wonderful. Do you like LA? Or are you…
DM: I do like LA there’s… I have a few a, minor scruples.
CK: Yes, hit me with them.
DM: You guys can’t drive!
CK: We cannot drive! [audience cheers]
DM: It’s as simple as that.
CK: Why do you say that? [laughing]
DM: Well… drives me insane. You need to signal! When your turning right
or left… signal! [takes the innocent look again- audience cheers]
CK: Yeah?
DM: And, if your gonna stop- don’t do it immediately! [emphatically smacks
hands together] Y’know? Like, give us a little clue that you’re gonna slow
CK: So we, what are we aggressive? Are we lazy not putting the blinker on?
What are we…?
DM: [interrupts] I would just say from an Englishman’s point of view, I
would say you’re inconsiderate.
CK: Inconsiderate? [incredulous- audience cheers] So you’re
DM: Not you of course! What do you drive?
CK: It doesn’t matter does it?
DM: No it doesn’t.
CK: No.
DM: It’s a private question.
CK: It’s a big-*** sedan! I like sed- this is my…
DM: Do you signal?
CK: What? I uh, uh yes.
DM: Good.
CK: I’m actually a safe driver but, I’m not from LA. Maybe the locals, and
that’s the other thing about the locals. When it rains they don’t know how
to drive.
DM: No they don’t.
CK: No.
DM: I think because people drive so much in LA, they’re so tired of being
on the road [acts exhausted and annoyed] that they don’t want to signal,
they don’t want to turn…
CK: No, and the traffic is bad here, correct?
DM: Yeah it is bad [nods].
CK: Yeah.
DM: Um, everything else I’m kinda cool with. Y’know like, uh: [counts off
on fingers] amazing food; uh y’know you can surf here which I really enjoy
doing; um beautiful women, a part of…
CK: What do you think of the women?
DM: I enjoy the women.
CK: Yeah?
DM: [nods] I enjoy them, think they’re, uh, nice. [audience-mostly
women-cheers] Finally quashing those gay rumors about Elijah and I which…
[more cheering]
CK: Were there alot of those?
DM: Oh my God! There’s a few of those! I mean we don’t necessarily say no
or yes. We kind of go “hm” [inexplicable expression here, best described
as- as they say of the elves… “Do not go to the elves for wisdom, as they
will say both no and yes.”] Ah but yeah I love, y’know I love ladies in
general but here they have that kind of strange swollen phenomenon.
[gestures to his upper half- audience laughs] Swollen breasts, swollen
CK: That’s not as common over in England is it?
DM: Fake boobs are just starting to come into play, but not y’know the fake
lips and the kind of swollen cheeks and the eyebrows and the little
chipmunk [indistinguishable- but gesturing to these areas all the while].
CK: We don’t like that.
DM: I don’t like that either. I go for more the, the natural, cooler
looking music type…
CK: Sure.
DM: Girls.
CK: Yeah.
DM: Yeah.
CK: And [stutters] are they, can they be American. Can they be British?
DM: Sure. They can be A- no I don’t go for British girls that much.
CK: Why is that?
DM: Because, cause I hear that, I’ve heard it for a long time and I’m used
to it. Something that I know.
CK: Oh you mean the accent?
DM: Yeah. Whereas American girls seem to be a little bit more glamorous. A
little bit more kind of, “Oh are you a cheerleader?” [audience laughs] You
don’t know.
CK: [laughing] Ah that was classic. How old are you?
DM: I’m 27!.
CK: You’re 27 your a kid. Now are you friends with Jack Osbourne? [the
previous guest]
DM: I am friends with Jack.
CK: You know Jack.
DM: I do. I know his family really well. So I should send all my love to
Ozzie [waves] and I hope that he’s well, and Sharon of course.
CK: And you uh, you do an impression of Jack?
DM: No I don’t do Jack! I do Ozzie every so often.
CK: Oh an impression of Ozzie?
DM: If I’m in a bad mood of if I want to get attention from one of my mates I
do “Sharon!” [Ozzie impression] But that’s pretty much as far as it goes,
CK: Yeah.
DM: Fantastic television the Osbournes.
CK: Yeah it is, it’s riveting.
DM: I hung out with Kelly at the Golden Globes and y’know they’re just a
really, very very cool hip family. Regardless of what goes on in their
lives. They’re just very nice people.
CK: Is that show on in England?
DM: Yeah. It is in England.
CK: It is yeah.
DM: We have this Queen’s speech in England. You know that on Christmas day.
We had Sharon’s speech a couple years ago- at the same time!
CK: Wow! That’s huge.
DM: So the cool kids are watching Sharon and you know, going,
[silly/defiant expression] Sure beats watching…
CK: What’s your next project?
DM: I don’t really know man. I mean it’s kind of, its pilot season here. So
as you know LA’s kind of crazy at this point. Meeting with alot of people.
Uh, I want to work for the discovery channel at some point this year.
Making kind…
CK: Really?
DM: Yeah, natural history programs…
CK: Yeah, doing what? What do you want to do?
DM: I don’t know like um, my kind of idea for a program is kind of: a third
nature program; a third kind of, tourist, a kind of tourism kind of
program; a third kind of um, environmental consciousness kind of thing. I,
my biggest influences growing up were- Sir David Attenborough. Do you know
this guy? He’s kind of a…
CK: Say again?
DM: Sir David Attenborough
CK: Yeah yeah yeah… [nods]
DM: He’s an English, natural history host…
CK: Yeah.
DM: So I just want to be back in that medium. I just want to do something
for my generation. Cause I love animals.
CK: That’s great [audience cheers] very good! You ought to come back, we
ran out of time you gotta come back. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King,
let’s get out and see that thing.
DM: Yes, cause no one else is! [audience tremendous cheering]
CK: Dominic Monaghan! We’ll be right back…