The cinema was almost full when I entered at 17:45, and managed to secure three seats together about five rows back in the stadium seating. The night before had seen a talk with the same actors followed by a special screening of Fellowship of the Ring. The obvious group contingent of young ladies from the night before was again very much in evidence. They were generally excited and obviously enjoying themselves

Although they were mercifully quiet during the film as opposed to their behaviour the night before during FoTR when they had whooped at every appearing of Pippin and Legolas. It was amusing for the first 20 minutes, but eventually their distracting ‘enthusiasm’ prompted many of the audience to start yelling “Shut up!” and “Oh, grow up!

At 18:00 my accompanying friends entered in a hurry, one muttering something about barging into John Rhys-Davies at the door. As last night’s talk had started a good 30 minutes late due to the actors’ signing commitments, and we were still 15 minutes from the start of tonight’s talk, this confused me, for about ten seconds, because then JRD himself strolled out of the access corridor, takeaway coffee in hand, booming “Good Evening.” He leaned his elbows on the railing at the front of the tiered seating like an old friend leaning on a wall to chat to his neighbour. Apparently the other actors had gone for their promised drink in the bar after their long day of signing but, despite having one of the longest queues of all, JRD had foregone his drink to come straight to the talk.

The first words out of his mouth after the greeting, delivered in a mock patient drawl were “For you young ladies, nooo, I do not have Orlando Bloom’ s telephone number and yeess, if I did I WOULD give it to you!”

After the laughter had subsided he continued, “Now we’ve got that out of the way does anyone else have any silly questions?” He accepted the offer of a mini Toblerone and managed to talk around it quite effectively as he mentioned his antipathy for the producers of Helen of Troy (although he didn’t labour the point) and gave details of the accident in Croatia while filming Musketeers. I remember that he broke his arm and that, when the wall fell on him, he was initially afraid that both his hip and back were broken. I can’t recall all the specifics about injury, but the story of a long line of men silently holding up the remnants of the wall for the next 30 minutes before he could be rescued from the heap of rubble was very moving.

JRD was obviously still suffering and confirmed he wasn’t quite recovered. In fact, after the initial friendly leaning gesture, he mostly wandered around in front of the stadium seating, with his hand in the small of his back. He did indulge in one physical display, when asked what it was like learning to fight with an axe. He answered that the fight training had been great, but then they got onto the set, and they dressed him in many pounds of armour, put a 14(?) pound helmet on his head, handed him two heavy axes and then told him to fight, “Oh, and do it on your knees!” JRD got down on his knees at this point to demonstrate, swung an imaginary axe, and promptly disappeared from the audience’s vision as he overbalanced. Much laughter.

At another point in the talk, John stated his opinion that Gimli doesn’t recognise that he is short. He also shared a few notes on the “Toss me” exchange between Gimli and Aragorn at Helm’s Deep. The “Toss me” line was because they thought there needed to be some pay off from “Nobody tosses a dwarf” in the first film. He added that “Don’t tell the Elf!” was his own interpolation. He referred to the humour in the second film with the observation that there is a need for occasional lightness in a drama on screen, as opposed to the book where there is battle after battle, setback after setback with no respite. That can be done in a book, but the needs of drama are different.

People continued to enter the cinema during John’s talk, some of them attempting polite tip-toe, others just wandering past and up the central stairs right in front of John, while some remained at the side. John took this in his stride. I was quite annoyed for him, even if he had turned up fifteen minutes early but perhaps I missed any quiet apologies as people walked in front of him.

His monopoly on our attention was finally broken by the mass arrival of Billy Boyd, Andy Serkis, Bruce Hopkins (Gamling) and Sala Baker (Sauron), along with another influx of audience. As the steward started to announce the actors’ arrival, two more audience members came around the corner instead and there was mild amusement. John turned this to full-on laughter by teasing the couple in a booming voice as they hurriedly ascended the stairs to find a seat, “I bet you’re really embarrassed right at this moment, aren’t you? I know I would be!” The rest of the actors therefore entered to general good humour and all helped themselves from the multipack of mini-Toblerones that was again handed towards them. I think ‘Sauron’ took two. I suspect one young lady is currently framing an empty sweet packet.

The cast moved to the front of the cinemas and positioned themselves immediately below the screen and JRD appropriated a seat in the front row, his back to the audience. Throughout the remainder of the talk he could not be seen but continued to interject. On each occasion of that I could see one arm waving gently in emphasis, accompanying a disembodied but still commanding voice.

The questions this session were rather more intelligent than some of those in the last session (of which a transcript has been posted at theonering.net so I won’t repeat). The order I’ll relate them in is not the right order, but the order they came into my memory when I was making notes afterward. There will, of course, be omissions due to the faulty nature of my memory.

[spoiler]Billy told us that the most difficult part of his role as Pippin was the moment when he has to swear fealty to Denethor. Gandalf is making a grab for him and he has to dodge around furniture to reach Denethor. Now this would all have been okay if the scene wasn’t blue screen, if Gandalf had been there (which he wasn’t), if Denethor had been there (yep, he wasn’t) and if there had actually been any furniture to dodge around!

Billy also wouldn’t confirm if Pippin got to look into the Palantir, which was a little disappointing considering his previous ‘inadvertent’ spoilage about the Denethor scene. (That was my question and I’ve made a note to myself to phrase spoiler questions more ambiguously in future, or ask Ian McKellen, who let slip a fairly major spoiler in his latest talk ) However, since we now know he gets to Gondor, I suppose there’s still a chance that the Palantir gazing will take place, and I can still see a place for that in the story, even with the changed circumstances regarding Gandalf’s knowledge of the Palantir.

Andy Serkis was asked to do his ‘Gollum voice’ and obliged with a whole scene, the conflict between Smeagol and Gollum in Ithilien. Before he started, he told us that the entire scene had been filmed in one two-minute take. The man was a good twenty yards or so from us, but we could see his face and as we watched him alternate between the two personalities effortlessly, I couldn’t help feeling it was a pity that we didn’t get to see the real Andy Serkis in the film. His live performance left tears in my eyes and not even the first viewing of the relevant film scene did that to me. I can understand that PJ cut between the two personalities during that scene to emphasise the two persons/dual personality thing, but the in-between effect, as AS’s face flipped from one character to the other, was stunning and I wish that PJ could have found some way to retain that.

The audience asked for spoilers and after hesitation, Sala Baker announced that in ROTK, Sauron turns into Legolas. Bruce quipped that Gamling becomes king of Rohan, and JRD quickly added that he was sharing no spoilers but did think that the early death of Legolas was a scene that was sorely missing from the first film. (The ‘griping’ at the popularity of Legolas was a running joke throughout the talks on both nights)

Someone asked the actors to tell us about the thing they found most difficult. Bruce Hopkins had confessed (the previous night I think) that he wasn’t exactly an accomplished horseman (possibly not at all), but this wasn’t picked up until he was on a skittish horse in the middle of the ruins of Isengard and someone bothered to ask him. By that time they had decided to extend the character of Gamling far more than originally planned, so they sent him for horse-riding lessons. This session, he added that he had problems with one particular horse. He was attempting to control the horse but it wasn’t working and he wasn’t happy, to put it mildly. Someone later commented offhandedly, “Oh, were you trying to back rein(?) him? That horse doesn’t back rein.”

For his ‘difficult’ story, Billy Boyd referred to the pain and hassle of hobbit feet, especially when it was cold and wet.

Andy Serkis described the major problems he had with playing Gollum, all issues that are a nightmare for an actor. For one, he had no costume to help him get into the part. In addition, he did not feel he owned the character as the performance relied on other factors beside himself and, although at the end of each day Elijah and Sean (with whom he spent the most time) could leave knowing their performance was mostly in the can and perhaps feel some pride in the finished performance, he could not. He knew his work was not finished and that he had many more hours and days of work before he would be finished with that scene. JRD quipped that for a job that was originally touted as one that appeared the most effortless of any of the actors, that is a couple of weeks of voice-over work, Andy Serkis had ended up with one of the most difficult.

The ‘unitard’ that AS wore for his performances as Gollum became known as the ‘Gimp’ suit and he described the embarrassed feeling of walking onto a set full of “hairy-arsed chaps” while wearing “spandex”. Sounds like he got some ribbing for it too. He quipped, “I felt like a right… unitard.”

Sala Baker is scheduled for more work on Sauron and described his most difficult issue being with the costume and the fact that it ended up being redesigned. A most uncomfortable experience in both guises.

To questions on the Extended Edition, BB confirmed (as elsewhere) that the storyline with the Huorns (“the evil trees”) has been reintegrated into the story line. He added that so much had to be removed because to take only small snippets left the storyline confused and they ended up removing a huge chunk of the Treebeard stuff. He’s glad it’s back in, including the Hobbits drinking the Ent Draught, which he thought was a nice nod towards Tolkien.

In regard to questions about the relationship between him and Dominic Monaghan, BB mentioned that a mischievous approach was not discouraged on set because it helped to promote a relaxed attitude and this made it easier to cope with the long hours. The tendency to informality also made it easier for people to bring out their own ideas and suggestions but also not to feel slapped down when those suggestions were rejected. The general consensus was that it was a marvellous atmosphere and they would work for PJ again in a heartbeat.

Bruce Hopkins added that their good experiences were one of the reasons they were so keen to appear at events such at Collectormania and talk to fans. He also added, as if necessary, that PJ really cares about the fans too.

Someone asked if they could ask Tolkien one question, what would it be? After only minor hesitation, BB answered, “I’d ask him why he didn’t give the Hobbits boots in Rivendell!”

Collectormania 3. Milton Keynes. A place which seems to be unprepared for the possibility of tourists (understandable if you have ever been there) and needs to be introduced to the concept of SIGNS which might actually help you to know where you are heading for.

But we found the location in the end and in a wonderful quirk of fate managed to park right outside the entrance. Ha! Milton Keynes also needs to be introduced to the concept of long-stay parking and perhaps encourage people to spend more than 5 hours without having to rush out and buy another parking ticket, though without the lure of an event such as this, we decided that 5 hours is probably the peak time for suicide having endured too long in a place that must surely have been designed by Satan himself.

I digress. After the initial period of childish excitement something along the lines of small child finding themselves in the middle of an enormous sweet shop with access to all the bext sweets, it was into the line to see Virginia Hey (Zhaan from Farscape) consisting of one other person; there is no justice in the world that more people were willing to pay Paul McGann £20 and stand in a ridiculously over-long queue than come and talk to this wonderful lady. And a wonderful lady who would write “To dearest [me], tons of love” on the lovely 10×8 free photo selected from the variety on offer. She even spotted that there was a tiny flaw in the picture and carefully picked up a blue pen and coloured it in!

After that it was merely a short hop into the next line to see Warwick Davies – finally the chance to meet Willow himself, and to top it all off I actually had a decent question to ask him about his commentary for the recent DVD release of Willow. He was genuinely pleased that I liked his commentary and added that he now has to do 6 of the things for the Leprechaun movies – not pitying him that job! He mentioned that one line he liked was cut from the commentary, about General Kale, who was named after a movie critic of the time, but after her death it was deemed disrespectful to include it, though Warwick reckoned it aptly summe her up!

Both Virginia and Warwick were allowing people to take photographs, and I cursed the fact that M had made off with the camera and was quite possibly at that very moment supping coffee whilst I was mingling with the stars, unable to preserve the moments for posterity in any form other than my memories (time was spent at night piecing together the order of events, but got unfortunately tangled with numerous other activities from the day… the old memory is not what it used to be… what was I saying?!) and Warwick was even coming round to the front of his table to stand with the fans – and at this point I was somewhat pleased the camera wasn’t available as I would have been slightly embarrassed at my current inability to bend at the knees. Though I will add that having a walking stick at busy events is a great boon. Apologies to anyone who has permanent scarring…!

We checked out the lines to see Billy Boyd and Andy Serkis, but made a cunning plan to endeavour to avoid the queues by arriving early the next day, and instead did the tour of the stalls, being more than momentarily distracted by the stall selling replicas of weaponry from movies… I say to you Arwen’s sword… and please excuse me whilst I mop up the drool from the keyboard. I am sure I really CAN justify nearly £200 on a sword… can’t I?

The stalls were more than slightly crammed in, and the circumstances of the event, with it being an open event in a shopping mall, meant that it was very, very busy indeed, and it was really very hard to browse. But I did at least find a Han Solo action figure for my mother, which goes a small way for refusing to pay out for an actual Milennium Falcon…

The highlight of the day was the screening of Fellowship of the Ring in the evening, a small and select screening in one of the smaller screens at the cinema, and thus a somewhat intimate affair. And sadly there were a number there with whom I had no desire whatsoever to get so intimate with – if you cannot distinguish between watching your DVD at home (“Yes, you CAN scream and talk and shout and quote lines from the movie”) and going to the cinema (“No you may NOT scream, shout, quote and otherwise drive your fellow movie-goers to distraction despite constant requests to shut the **** up”) you should not be going out of the house without your mummy and daddy.

Let me not get sidetracked into the hell that was screaming pre-pubescent girls who should quite possibly have been drowned at birth or at least locked into the toilets for the duration of the evening.

The screening was preceded by a talk from those members of the cast who attended the event – Billy Boyd, Andy Serkis, Sala Baker, Bruce Hopkins and the irrascible and irresitible John Rhys-Davies, who held court for a good 45 minutes answering questions and regaling us with anecdotes from the making of the movies. Nothing new was really revealed, but nonetheless it was delightful to be allowed the privelage of being so entertained by such genuine and talented people who share a common desire to share their passion for an incredible movie.

Day two consisted on my part of large amounts of queuing and waiting. Despite getting there well before the advertised starting time there was already a wait of over an hour for Andy Serkis and Billy Boyd, so it was time to test out the virtual queuing system of “take a ticket and come back when we call it!” Or at least when they call a range that contains your number, which does at least keep actual time standing in a queue to a minimum, though it then results in an increasing paranoia as you realise that 1) You cannot understand the tannoy announcements with the numbers and 2) no one appears to be updating the boards keeping track of which numbers have been called.

But I got there in the end, and first of all saw Andy Serkis, who came across as very natural, very easy going, and not yet requesting the paper to be moved under his hand after signing too many autographs! He was also more than willing to have photographs be taken, and I left feeling that I had met a lovely guy. One then had to battle out through the hoardes of “Boyd-ettes” who were staring fixedly at Billy as he met with those actually queuing and dribbling occasionally with the odd shriek thrown in for good measure. Credit to Billy for not requesting them to be put out of their misery with tranquiliser darts.

It was back into line after that to get my chance to meet Billy, who took a moment before signing my picture to rearrange his tablecloth and make himself pretty again. He was most amiable and when I asked how hard this kind of event was, replied that it could be worse – he could be digging roads! Of all the people there, he seemed the most tired, though one could never say that he wasn’t giving his all. Kudos to these people who slog their guts out making movies that people may not even like, and then take time to meet and greet those of us who genuinely appreciate all that they do. I am sure they know how much we think of them, but thanks again all the same.

Billy came round the front of his table for photographs and then I could grin my way madly off to try and locate Sophie Aldred. There is a reason for this. Honest. Not least that I used to be a huge Doctor Who fan, but my class watch Words and Pictures every week and she presents some of the shows. I could just imagine their delight if I could show them a photo of me with “their Sophie” and tell them how I had met her. But sadly she and Sylvester McCoy had vanished into the ether, not to return until after we had departed to go see X-Men 2, and the realisation that we were spending a large proportion of this weekend in cinemas.

The evening saw the screening of The Two Towers, which was markedly different from the previous night in several ways.

Firstly, we had the honour of getting John Rhys-Davies in a good 10 minutes early to talk and answer questions: “Did you train for all the fighting you had to do?” to which his reponse was an emphatic YES! And he had gotten quite good at it, too, and then arrived on set to be covered in heavy armour, have his face covered with prosthetics AND THEN asked to go on his knees! Can you fight? Argh *falls over*!

We had perhaps some of the best seats available in that we were right above the entrance / exit and thus could see the guests arrive before everyone else, as they waited to come out. This proved most beneficial when they left, and I leaned over the side with my camera, eliciting a wave and a huge smile from the wonderful Sala Baker, and a fabulous funny face pulled by Andy Serkis! Oh if only I had a scanner!

It was the talk before this movie that held perhaps the greatest moment in the entire weekend, as Andy was asked if he could do his Gollum voice, and he proceeded to perform Gollum’s monologue for us all to see. This was an incredible performance, and received a standing ovation which was much deserved and hopefully went some way to make up for his Oscar nomination snub. If anyone should doubt the talents of this guy and think that all he had to do was sit in a studio making funny voices into a tape recorder, they should talk to “Mr Spandex” himself about his experiences, and the fact that even after doing his scenes he knew that he didn’t really have anything “in the can” like the other actors, and indeed wouldn’t until some year or so later.

Fortunately the screening of the movie was a vastly improved experience compared to the previous night, for posisbly several reasons: a number of the screaming-contingent left before the movie to chase after the guests, and of course they do not yet own this on DVD and have thus not had a chance to watch it to death and learn every second forwards, backwards and inside out. Notably, one of the first things Andy Serkis asked US before the Fellowship screening was “Who has seen this movie more than 5 times? More than 10? More than 15?” steadily increasing the numbers, as hands resolutely stayed up beyond 20 times, concluding with “And who of those of you still with your hands up has a life?”Indeed, Mr Serkis, indeed! (And no comments about how many times it was I saw a certain other movie and memorised the entire script before it was even out on video – I was young then… that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it!)

The weekend was wonderful. I cannot extoll the virtues of the guests enough for always smiling, always ready to talk, giving us more than we could ever hope for.