Disclaimer:  I enjoyed ‘The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug’ very much, and have seen it 3 times as of this writing.  Smaug is, in this writers opinion, THE dragon to end all dragons, and the creative team deserves kudos for the incredible sets, cgi, costumes, and Thranduil’s eyebrows.   So it is with love and respect that I ask the following questions (spoilers ahead):


Tolkien Facebook Cover by Otis Frampton 2

Illustration by Otis Frampton

  •  Is it ever sunny and dry in Bree?
  • Where does Beorn keep his pants post-skin change?
  • What snarky remark must Thranduil have said to the dragon (Smaug?) to get that nasty scar on his face?
  • Does Tauriel secretly have an “I (heart) Hot Dwarves” t-shirt under her outfit? ( Legolas must be jealous.)
  • What is the landspeed velocity of an unladen Orc?
  • Gandalf appears to use the Patronus spell during his encounter with The Necromancer Saaauuurrron.  What form would it take?
  • Where did Tauriel (a self-described ‘lowly Sylvan Elf’) learn such impressive healing skills?  (Arwen must be jealous.)
  • How would Smaug have known the name ‘Oakenshield’, unless he leaves Erebor for the occasional pint at the Prancing Pony?
  • Did the dwarves REALLY think that a little molten gold would hurt a fire-breathing dragon with impenetrable scales, or did they just think a little bling would soothe his hurt feelings?