Sometimes things just snowball.
So, in the name of procrastination and work avoidance, here’s another (our last, honest!) Tolkien-style parody of a Taylor Swift song. This time we’re riffing off a little tune (you may have heard of it) called We are never, ever getting back together.
This parody is 90% the sterling work of Barlichatter Elanesse — particularly the quite tricky verses. I just provided the backing vocals, as it were.
We are never ever beating Sauron together
To the tune of Taylor Swift’s We are never ever getting back together
I remember when we met up the first time
Lord Elrond looking surly all the time
‘Cause like
We didn’t really like each other’s hair
When he, said we, were doomed. (What?)
Then Boromir stands up and has a say
“Why not use this ring” to keep Mordor at bay?
Trust me, give Gondor this weapon for a day
We say, you’re crazy
We stand up
We argue
I hate you
Oooh we called the Fellowship off last night
But oooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you
We are never ever ever beating Sauron together
We are never ever ever beating Sauron together
You go shout
To your dwarves shout
To my elves
Rant at me
But we are never ever ever ever beating Sauron together
Like ever…
Dwarves and elves are always picking fights
Trust issues, and hobbits are somewhat lacking in their height
And you, hide away the fact you are a king with
some forged sword that’s much cooler than mine
Oooh we called the fellowship off again last night
But Oooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you
We are never ever ever beating Sauron together
We are never ever ever beating Sauron together
You go shout
To your dwarves shout
To my elves
Rant at me
But we are never ever ever ever beating Sauron together
I used to think, that Gandalf, was really clever
And I used to say, best smoke rings ever
Huh, he calls me up and he’s like, it’s the One Ring
And i’m like, i’m just, I mean this is exhausting, you know
We are never beating Sauron together, like ever
We are never ever ever beating Sauron together
We are never ever ever beating Sauron together
You go shout
To your dwarves shout
To my elves
Rant at me
But we are never ever ever ever beating Sauron together
We, oooh, oooh, not beating him together, we
Oh, beating him together
You go shout
To your dwarves shout
To my elves
Rant at me
But we are never ever ever ever beating Sauron together
—
