So, you’ve probably seen and heard Ian Walters’ hilarious filk Gollum-style parody of the Taylor Swift hit I Knew You Were Trouble. If you haven’t go here — it’s superb.
Then I began thinking about Tauriel… and Kili. And those rumours. So, of course, having too much time on my hands and an over-active mind, I started toying with some concepts to see if something might fit the rhyming structure.
Turns out, it kinda does. I call it I thought hot dwarf, and … well … enjoy … or something. Oh, and mad props to TORn Barlichatter Elanesse for the moral support and extra ideas.
I Thought Hot Dwarf
To the tune of Taylor Swift’s I Knew You Were Trouble
Once upon a time
A few mistakes ago
You were in my sights
I had bent my bow
I marked thee
I marked thee
I marked thee (dwarven)
I guess you didn’t shave
And I guess I liked that
But when I locked you up
You fled through the back
Without me, without me, without me
Now he’s long gone
Swum to Lake-town
And I realise
The beard is on me
I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
So shame on me now
Beard took me to
Places I’d never been
Till you ditched me for gold, oh
I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
So shame on me now
Beard took me to
Places I’d never been
Now we’re dead on the cold hard ground
Oh. Oh.
Kili. Kili. Kili.
Oh. Oh.
Kili. Kili. Kili.
No apologies
King’ll never see me lie
Thranduil doesn’t know
That I’m the reason why
Kili’s floating, Kili’s floating, Kili’s floating (to Lake-town)
And I heard you moved on
From birdsong in the trees
Arrow’s deathblow to Smaug
Thrain’s gold now waits for free
And now we’re marching, now we’re marching, now we’re marching
So we fought at
The Five Armies
Then I realise
Beard love has doomed me
I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
So shame on me now
Beard took me to
Places I’d never been
Till you ditched me for gold, oh
I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
So shame on me now
Beard took me to
Places I’d never been
Now we’re dead on the cold hard ground
Oh. Oh.
Kili. Kili. Kili.
Oh. Oh.
Kili. Kili. Kili.
And the tragedy
Is our paired demise
That we’ll never meet again.
In Ea. Or in Mandos. Or Anywhere.
Yeah.
I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
So shame on me now
Beard took me to
Places I’d never been
I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
So shame on me now
Beard took me to
Places I’d never been
Now we’re dead on the cold hard ground
Oh. Oh.
Kili. Kili. Kili.
Oh. Oh.
Kili. Kili. Kili.
I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
Kili. Kili. Kili.
I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
Kili. Kili. Kili.
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