Earth Day? Celebrate Middle-earth Day Instead
Wired has now invoked the spirit of geekitude and taken it to an extreme. They ask: how should Middle-earth Day be celebrated by its residents? And like The Nine rings of men, they have nine humble suggestions.
9. Install a solar water heater atop your Hobbit hole.
8. Switch to the Thrush Communications Network. Tired of messages taking days or weeks to be delivered? Trust a thrush to quickly deliver your important dragon-slaying tips to all those who need to know. It saves the resources a journey by foot or steed would consume, and the thrushes are glad to help.
7. Learn the ways of the elves. You think it’s tough providing for your family for a few decades? Try 10,000 years sometime. Imagine how good they must be at conservation!
6. Reuse Shelob’s silk to make clothing. I mean, there has to be a ton of the stuff in the cave she used to inhabit, and all her offspring disappeared. Waste not, want not, right?
5. Save torches: Bring Sting and an orc with you. Really, any weapon forged in Gondolin will do if Sting isn’t available. Note: GeekDad will not be held responsible for your failure to restrain the orc adequately.
4. In order to avoid taxing Middle-Earth’s resources, never open your door to a wizard. Especially if you’re a Baggins — it will only lead you to trouble.
3. Bring gifts to Fangorn forest. The Ents may not be good at showing their appreciation, but that’s just a facade. Reminder: Candles and maple syrup are inappropriate gifts.
2. Be sure to dispose of Rings of Power in the proper receptacle. They are not — we repeat, not — recyclable.
1. Remember Bard the Bowman’s Tip: You can eliminate the Smaug over your town if you have the right information (see #8).