{"id":88326,"date":"2014-04-04T13:41:54","date_gmt":"2014-04-04T18:41:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/?p=88326"},"modified":"2014-04-04T13:42:19","modified_gmt":"2014-04-04T18:42:19","slug":"rewrite-tolkien-march-contest-winners-a-special-announcement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/2014\/04\/04\/88326-rewrite-tolkien-march-contest-winners-a-special-announcement\/","title":{"rendered":"Rewrite Tolkien March contest winners – & a special announcement!"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Thank you to everyone that submitted an entry for the March Rewrite Tolkien contest – ‘The Hobbit’ in the style of Douglas Adams. \u00a0We had a lot of fun reading them!<\/p>\n

Before posting this months’ winners, we wanted to announce that going forward, the contest will be held every other month. \u00a0This will give everyone more time to submit their best work, and the judges more time to read and enjoy the entries. \u00a0 The next contest will be held in May – stay tuned for more details!<\/p>\n

This months grand prize winner is:<\/p>\n

“Untitled” by J.J. Lendi of Pittsburgh, PA. \u00a0<\/strong>Congratulations, J.J.! \u00a0Your entry will also be read live on TORn Book Club<\/a> webcast this Sunday, April 6th; \u00a0click the link for showtimes.<\/p>\n

Our runners-up are:<\/p>\n

“Untitled” by Tom Essex (whereabouts unknown) <\/strong>and “There and Back Again: A Hitchhikers Guide to Middle-earth” by Jim of Chicago, IL<\/strong>. \u00a0Congrats to you both!<\/p>\n

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Untitled\u00a0by J.J. Lendi (Pittsburgh, PA)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Somewhere in the recesses of history, before the advent of iPhones, eBooks or any other memorabilia beginning with a lowercase vowel, but after the beginnings of life on the planet, whether you believe life began with the Great Music of the Ainur, with creatures coming out of the sea and into the trees, or with one man\u2019s unwitting donation of his own rib, there existed a world of magic, quests, and a fair amount of questionable jewelry.<\/span><\/p>\n

This world was known to its inhabitants as Middle-Earth, though no one there seemed to know or care what exactly it was in the middle of or if they should be at all concerned about that highly suspect name.<\/p>\n

This land of Middle-Earth plotted along for quite some time with a fair amount of drama. The many deceits by the evil Ainur known as Melkor, the sinking of great city of Numenor and the bending of the world, the Last Great Alliance of Elves and Men against the forces of evil in Mordor, and the final defeat of the Dark Lord Sauron by plunging his One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom.<\/p>\n

This is not any of those stories.<\/p>\n

But this is a story that involves a mountain, along with a healthy number of Elves, a fairly magical wizard, and a staggering amount of walking around. It does not, however, include any Dark Lords or places nicknamed \u201cDoom\u201d. So if that\u2019s the only kind of thing you go in for then best to close this book now and save yourself from a rather disappointing perusal and the publishers of this book from a negative review on Good Reads.<\/p>\n

However, if you are not overly obsessed with stories that culminate in the high-profile rescue of the entire world from the forces of evil and have continued reading, it might interest you to know that this book is chiefly about a rather oddly named chap called Bilbo who is in fact no taller than your average Kindergartner. In fact, this book has quite a few pint-sized heroes and villains, some of them called Hobbits, like Bilbo, who have the same basic interests as the stoner you lived across the hall from at University, some of them called Dwarves, who are more obsessed with digging in the ground than even the most avid gopher, and one particularly strange creature called Gollum, who is exactly as awkward looking as his name would suggest.<\/p>\n

And while this might not sound nearly as exciting as a story with words like “Dark Lord” and “Doom”, where the entire fate of the world is hanging in the balance, it scores over that particular book in two rather important respects.<\/p>\n

First, it\u2019s much shorter, which makes it cheaper to purchase and faster to get through; and second, it\u2019s one of the only books you\u2019ll read this year that features a talking dragon.<\/p>\n

But the story of the pint-sized hobbit named Bilbo, the story of his quest that doesn’t involve the end of the world, and the story of how that quest becomes inextricably intertwined with the lives of Dwarves and Elves and a talking dragon, begins very simply.<\/p>\n

\u00a0It begins with a hole in the ground.<\/p>\n

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Untitled\u00a0by Tom Essex<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is a story of long ago, when spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry-footed creatures from the Shire were real small furry-footed creatures from the Shire.<\/span><\/p>\n

Far out in the little known north of the unfashionable part of Middle-earth lies a small unregarded country known as the Shire, inhabited by a diminutive race known as hobbits, who are so amazingly unaware of the outside world they still think second breakfasts are a pretty neat idea (believing that time is an illusion, breakfast time doubly so).<\/span><\/p>\n

This story begins as so many stories do: it begins with a house. This house was on the top of the Hill, and inhabiting it was Bilbo Baggins. He was fifty, never quite at ease with himself, and in appearance suspiciously like a three and a half foot Arthur Dent with hairy feet \u2013 and at present he no more knows his destiny than pipe-weed knows the history of Tobold the Old and the South Farthing.<\/span><\/p>\n

It so happened that, on one fine morning when Mr Baggins was enjoying a pipe of Old Toby, Gandalf came by. He appeared to be an old man, but was in fact a Maiar spirit from somewhere in the vicinity of the Undying Lands. Bilbo had never, ever suspected this.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning!\u201d said Bilbo.<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the things Gandalf found hardest to understand about mortals was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, for example: \u201cGood morning!\u201d, and \u201cYou’re very tall\u201d, and, \u201cThey’re taking the hobbits to Isengard\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

The wizard looked sternly at the hobbit in exactly the way a hobbit is looked at sternly by a wizard, and proceeded to give a complete etymological breakdown and, in the hobbit’s view, slightly pedantic analysis of the phrase \u201cGood morning\u201d, which was strange as he had been the one to use it in the first place.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCan I help you?\u201d said Bilbo, very much hoping the exact opposite.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy name is Gandalf, and Gandalf means me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Bilbo had guessed as much, and hoped the old man’s obsession with grammar would end soon.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI am looking for someone to share in an adventure \u2013 the chance to see the wonders of Middle-earth on less than thirty silver pennies a day. And help a band of travelling dwarves reclaim a kingdom and a pile of treasure from an enormous fire-breathing dragon. Along the way, there shall be giant spiders, goblins (not exactly evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic and generally unpleasant, who wouldn’t raise a finger to save their own mother from the Ravenous Balrog Beast of Morgoth), deformed schizophrenic hobbits and malevolent\u00a0<\/span>jewellry.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Bilbo was not fond of adventures. They made one late for dinner. And he had no desire to see the wonders of Middle-earth, no matter how reasonable the budget.<\/span><\/p>\n

And he knew nothing about dwarves.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Red Book of Westmarch has a few interesting things to say about dwarves.<\/span><\/p>\n

A dwarf, it says, has a fondness for a wide range of food and alcoholic beverages. Whilst some prefer pork pies and salad, others may prefer mince pies and cheese, or raspberry jam and apple-tart. All have a particular love of ale (although they are as of yet unaware of the invention of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster). They are remarkably skilled at craftsmanship, and value gold and the stones of the earth above all else, even pork pies and salad. They are also proud of their beards, with many husbands boasting of their wives’ impressive facial hair. Although they can be calculating and cowardly, they are generally hoopy froods, though they have a very thorough and officious approach to contracts. Their poetry is generally accepted as being significantly better than that of Vogons.<\/span><\/p>\n

Note: They have yet to fully appreciate the true merit of the Towel. When Mr Bilbo Baggins ran off without a pocket handkerchief, he failed to understand the true importance of a Towel, and later came to regret it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Meanwhile, Gandalf leaned on his staff and continued to stare at the hobbit from under his bushy brows. This is about the most aggressive thing to do to a hobbit digesting his second breakfast, the equivalent of going up to a human and saying \u201cBlood… blood… blood… blood…\u201d, or a dispossessed dwarf king and saying \u201cHomeless… homeless… homeless… homeless…\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

Or indeed dangling a piece of malevolent jewellery in front of a deformed schizophrenic hobbit.<\/span><\/p>\n

The silence began to hang in the air exactly the way that bricks don’t.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bilbo had begun to panic. He though seed-cake was in order. Seed-cake was good for occasions like this, he thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorry!\u201d squeaked Bilbo. \u201cI don’t want any adventures, thank you. Not today. Good morning!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Please no more grammar lessons, he thought. Please no more.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut please come to tea \u2013 any time you like! Why not tomorrow? Come tomorrow! Goodbye!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Bilbo scuttled back inside and shut the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gandalf remained outside the door, laughing long and quietly to himself. Then, with the spike on his staff, he carved two words in large, friendly letters into the wood: ‘DON’T PANIC’.<\/p>\n

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There and Back Again: \u00a0A Hitchhiker\u2019s Guide to Middle-Earth by Jim – Chicago,\u00a0Illinois<\/strong><\/p>\n

Far out in the uncharted backwaters at the end of one of the spiral arms of the Milky Way was a small, obscure yellow star, and orbiting that star at a distance of 93 million miles was a small, obscure planet with a continent called \u201cMiddle-Earth.\u201d On an uncharted corner of that continent was a small green country called the Shire, and in a hole in a small town of that land there lived a \u201chobbit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

What are hobbits? \u00a0No one these days has seen one, and some have called them myths. \u00a0It is said that the Ents\u2019 Compendium of Living Things has an entry on them, but no one knows for sure. \u00a0That book is so long that the publisher still hasn’t finished it, and no one has been able to finish reading the first chapter of the proofs. \u00a0The Red Book of Westmarch says hobbits are a race that looks like Men (who hobbits call the \u201cBig People\u201d) only much shorter, usually chubbier, and with large hairy feet.<\/p>\n

This is a story of one hobbit, whose name was Bilbo Baggins. \u00a0It is also the story of a remarkable book called The Hitchhikers\u2019 Guide to Middle-Earth. \u00a0The story starts with a house. \u00a0More accurately, it starts with a hole, because Bilbo\u2019s house (like most hobbit houses) was a hole delved into a hill. \u00a0Not a damp, dank hole, mind you, or a dusty sandy hole. \u00a0Or a giant hole in an asteroid that\u2019s really the mouth of a space monster. \u00a0It was a hobbit hole, comfortable and well-appointed.<\/p>\n

One morning, Bilbo was just about to drink his tea when he heard a knock at the door. \u00a0He opened it and saw a large group of hobbits with pickaxes and shovels. \u00a0\u201cCan I help you?\u201d \u00a0Bilbo asked. \u00a0\u201cYes,\u201d the leader answered, \u201cyou can get out of the way so we can level this place for the new mill.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, excuse me.\u201d Bilbo began. \u00a0Then he shook his head in a double take. \u00a0If he had started his tea, it would have been a spit take. \u00a0\u201cWait, what? \u00a0Why?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMayor\u2019s orders. \u00a0The plans have been on file in his office for six months.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOtho! \u00a0I should have known the Sackville-Bagginses would be behind this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo will you get out of the way?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI most certainly will not.\u201d \u00a0Bilbo crossed his arms. \u00a0\u201cYou\u2019ll have to go over my dead body.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, bother,\u201d the leader, whose name was Ted Sandyman, said.<\/p>\n

Just then, a tall old Man with a pointed hat, a very long grey beard, and a gnarled wooden staff strode past the workers and up to the front of Bilbo\u2019s house. \u00a0Bilbo and Sandyman were engaged in a staredown and didn\u2019t acknowledge him. \u00a0\u201cAhem,\u201d the old man cleared his throat.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning,\u201d Bilbo mumbled, then resumed his staring contest.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning?\u201d \u00a0the old man asked. \u00a0\u201cDo you mean that it is a good morning, or that you want me to have a good morning, or that you want it to be good whether I want it or not?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEr, I guess I didn\u2019t really mean any of those. \u00a0I\u2019m having a terrible morning, and I don\u2019t know who you are. \u00a0So, good morning. \u00a0The one that means good-bye.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBilbo Baggins!!!\u201d \u00a0An angry cloud drifted across his kindly face. \u00a0\u201cI am Gandalf. \u00a0You used to know me. \u00a0To think I would live to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took\u2019s son, as if I had the Black Breath.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGandalf! \u00a0Good gracious! \u00a0Not the Gandalf, the wizard who gave us such excellent fireworks shows when I was a boy. \u00a0I had no idea you were still wizarding, or whatever it is wizards do. \u00a0What brings you here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe need to talk. \u00a0Now,\u201d he emphasized. \u00a0Gandalf looked nervously to the eastern sky, as if watching for an approaching storm. \u00a0\u201cAre you busy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot really, just trying to stop this gang from destroying my house, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wizards are literalists normally, and in his hurried state Gandalf had no time to appreciate sarcasm. Plus, of all those present he was the only one who knew that the workers\u2019 plans for Bilbo\u2019s house were, in the space of minutes, about to become a moot point. \u00a0\u201cGood, let\u2019s go to the Prancing Pony in Bree. \u00a0We can talk there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cExcuse me, but I think you missed my point. \u00a0This good fellow,\u201d Bilbo nodded at Sandyman, who nodded back, \u201csays he and his gang mean to demolish my house, and I\u2019m in the midst of standing off. \u00a0So, no prancing ponies, no talking, no Brees.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d Gandalf trailed off in thought and he stroked his long beard. \u00a0Once more he looked anxiously to the sky. \u00a0He had no time for reasoning, and no desire to use force. \u00a0That left only magic \u2013 the special words he learned long ago to make any crowd of hobbits disperse.<\/p>\n

\u201cExcuse me, lads,\u201d he announced loudly. \u00a0\u201cWith all this standing about, aren\u2019t you missing second breakfast?\u201d<\/p>\n

Forty-two pairs of hobbit eyes looked at each other, then forty-two pairs of hobbit hands dropped their tools and forty-two pairs of large, hairy bare feet ran to their respective neighborhood pubs. \u00a0Sandyman looked back, saw he no longer had no backers, thought about eating, gave an embarrassed half-bow and excused himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cExcellent!\u201d Gandalf rubbed his hands together. \u00a0\u201cNow, let\u2019s be off to Bree.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy can\u2019t we just talk here? \u00a0We\u2019re alone now and I expect they\u2019ll be back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTrust me, my dear hobbit. \u00a0In about –\u201d he paused and glanced furtively at the sky — \u201cfive minutes or so, here is the very last place you will want to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, all right. \u00a0Let me get my pocket-handkerchief.\u201d Bilbo said, fumbling at his vest.<\/p>\n

\u201cForget the handkerchief! \u00a0But do bring a towel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA towel?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA towel, my boy. \u00a0The most indispensable thing you can have when you\u2019re out and about in Middle-Earth. \u00a0If you\u2019re shivering in the Misty Mountains, you can wrap it around you for warmth. \u00a0If your friend is getting pulled into a willow tree in the Old Forest, you can use it as a lifeline. \u00a0If you\u2019re sleeping on the stones in Moria, you can fold it into a pillow. \u00a0If you\u2019re wandering Wilderland you can wrap your supplies with it. \u00a0And if you\u2019re wet from crossing the Anduin River, you can dry yourself off with it. \u00a0Now fly, you fool! \u00a0Our time is almost up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bilbo ducked in and emerged a moment later holding a large guest towel. \u00a0\u201cEr, did you bring a wagon? \u00a0Or a horse?\u201d \u00a0he asked, looking about. \u00a0\u201cBree\u2019s a ways off from here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo wagon today, my lad. \u00a0We\u2019ll be hitchhiking.\u201d<\/p>\n

Before Bilbo could ask what that meant, Gandalf thumped his staff onto the ground. \u00a0Bilbo noticed that its length consisted of five branches that wound around each other; at the top, four branches curled into a ball while the fifth stuck out, looking curiously like an outstretched thumb.<\/p>\n

Then, Bilbo heard the rush of giant wings above him and looked up. \u00a0\u201cLook! \u00a0An Eagle! \u00a0An Eagle is coming!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s our ride, Bilbo. \u00a0Hop on!\u201d \u00a0And they flew off on the Eagle\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

About Eagles, the Hitchhiker\u2019s Guide to Middle-Earth says: \u00a0An Eagle is, of course, the best way to hitch a lift if you\u2019re really in a pinch. \u00a0Problem is, they only show up if you\u2019re really in a pinch. \u00a0They\u2019re never around when a lift would be helpful or even important. \u00a0No, it pretty much has to be the end of the world. \u00a0There has been a lot of talk about this among the hitch-hiking community, but don\u2019t mention it to an Eagle. \u00a0One time, a group of Eagles rescued the last surviving warriors as their village in Beleriand was being sacked by Orcs. \u00a0One warrior, Waldo, told his Eagle carrier: \u00a0\u201cYou know, we might have avoided a lot of blood if you and your mates had shown up a little earlier. Or if you\u2019d come by a day ago to tell us the bloody Orcs were coming. \u00a0I\u2019m grateful and all, but just saying.\u201d \u00a0Waldo never made it to the destination. \u00a0And his best friend Beren, who stayed quiet, ended up becoming the greatest hero in history and marrying the most beautiful woman ever known. \u00a0To this day, whenever someone is about to make a smart remark to a superior being like an Eagle or an Elf, someone else reminds them: \u201cWhere\u2019s Waldo?\u201d<\/p>\n

After the first few shaky moments aloft, Bilbo settled in and remarked, \u201cthis hitching is not half bad. \u00a0How does one go about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a whole book on the subject,\u201d Gandalf pulled a thick, weather-beaten leather book from the folds of his cloak and handed it to Bilbo. \u00a0\u201cThe most important rule is here on the cover.\u201d<\/p>\n

Two words in large print, in the Common Speech, took up nearly all of the front cover: \u00a0\u201cDON\u2019T PANIC.\u201d \u00a0They were repeated on the back cover in Elvish.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t panic,\u201d Bilbo repeated. \u00a0\u201cI rather like it already.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, don\u2019t panic. \u00a0And don\u2019t look down.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bilbo looked down. \u00a0And panicked. \u00a0Because at that moment he saw a gigantic fireball consume the entirety of the Shire a thousand feet below, turning his home and his town, everything he knew, to ash and a whiff of carbon monoxide. \u00a0He let go of the book. \u00a0Gandalf barely managed to catch and save it before it fell all the way to the ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t panic!\u201d Gandalf reminded him.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe whole bloody Shire\u2019s been destroyed! \u00a0Now\u2019s a perfect time to panic!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFool of a Took! \u00a0Be careful or you\u2019ll throw us both off!\u201d \u00a0Gandalf grabbed Bilbo to steady him. \u00a0For a moment Bilbo felt he was about to fall, and he fainted in Gandalf\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n

A few minutes later, the Eagle dropped them off at the sign of the Prancing Pony. \u00a0Gandalf gently nudged him awake, steadied him, and helped him inside. \u00a0Bilbo was still shaking as the innkeeper led them to a table.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I should thank you for getting me out of there. \u00a0I gather that is what you wanted to talk about?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cActually, that was completely random and unrelated. \u00a0I was coming to see you anyway, and it was just lucky I happened to come today. \u00a0I found out about the demolition just this morning. \u00a0A chance meeting, as they say here in Bree.\u201d \u00a0The innkeeper brought two ales. \u00a0Bilbo downed half of his in one gulp.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gandalf leaned close and spoke with a low voice. \u00a0\u201cTo begin with, I\u2019m not from Middle-Earth at all. \u00a0I\u2019m from a place called Lorien, many thousands of leagues West, across the Sea.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat brought you here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, among other things, I\u2019m a roving researcher for that book I showed you. \u00a0It\u2019s called The Hitchhiker\u2019s Guide to Middle-Earth. \u00a0A while back I did a chapter on the Shire.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReally? \u00a0What did it say?\u201d<\/p>\n

Gandalf cleared his throat, stood up straight, placed his right hand on his chest, and dramatically declared: \u00a0\u201cMostly harmless.\u201d \u00a0He enunciated each syllable, with special emphasis on most, and sat back down.<\/p>\n

This time Bilbo did do a spit take, spraying ale across the table. \u00a0\u201cTwo words? \u00a0That\u2019s all you could think to say about my homeland? \u00a0And now it\u2019s all gone?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cActually, one word. \u00a0The last contributor already said the \u2018harmless\u2019 part. \u00a0I added \u2018mostly.\u2019\u201d \u00a0Again Gandalf gave the word extra emphasis, and this time he added a knowing nod and wink, brimming with pride. \u00a0\u201cAnd let me tell you, it took years of research, and I was considered quite the revolutionary back home for that. \u00a0Anyway, I came to ask you to join us on an adventure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI’ve rather had my fill of adventure for this morning, thank you!\u201d \u00a0And with that, Bilbo finished his ale and wiped his hand across his lips. \u00a0He was about to get up and leave when he realized he had nowhere to go. \u00a0\u201cWait a minute \u2013 did you say join \u2018us\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Thank you to everyone that submitted an entry for the March Rewrite Tolkien contest – ‘The Hobbit’…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":87930,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[85,14,148],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-88326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-events-contests","category-events","category-hobbit"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/download.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1tLoH-mYC","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=88326"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88326\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":88328,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88326\/revisions\/88328"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/87930"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=88326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=88326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=88326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}