{"id":72951,"date":"2013-06-09T07:24:27","date_gmt":"2013-06-09T12:24:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/?p=72951"},"modified":"2013-06-09T07:24:27","modified_gmt":"2013-06-09T12:24:27","slug":"a-taylor-swift-tauriel-and-kili-parody-i-thought-hot-dwarf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/2013\/06\/09\/72951-a-taylor-swift-tauriel-and-kili-parody-i-thought-hot-dwarf\/","title":{"rendered":"A Taylor Swift Tauriel (and Kili) parody: I thought hot dwarf"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, you’ve probably seen and heard Ian Walters’ hilarious filk Gollum-style parody of the Taylor Swift hit I Knew You Were Trouble<\/i>. If you haven’t go here<\/a> — it’s superb.<\/p>\n

Then I began thinking about Tauriel… and Kili. And those rumours. So, of course, having too much time on my hands and an over-active mind, I started toying with some concepts to see if something might fit the rhyming structure. <\/p>\n

Turns out, it kinda does. I call it I thought hot dwarf<\/i>, and … well … enjoy … or something. Oh, and mad props to TORn Barlichatter Elanesse for the moral support and extra ideas. <\/p>\n

\n

I Thought Hot Dwarf<\/h3>\n

To the tune of Taylor Swift’s I Knew You Were Trouble<\/a><\/i><\/h4>\n


\nOnce upon a time
\nA few mistakes ago
\nYou were in my sights
\nI had bent my bow<\/p>\n

I marked thee
\nI marked thee
\nI marked thee (dwarven)<\/p>\n

I guess you didn’t shave
\nAnd I guess I liked that
\nBut when I locked you up
\nYou fled through the back<\/p>\n

Without me, without me, without me<\/p>\n

Now he’s long gone
\nSwum to Lake-town
\nAnd I realise
\nThe beard is on me<\/p>\n

I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
\nSo shame on me now
\nBeard took me to
\nPlaces I’d never been
\nTill you ditched me for gold, oh<\/p>\n

I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
\nSo shame on me now
\nBeard took me to
\nPlaces I’d never been<\/p>\n

Now we’re dead on the cold hard ground<\/p>\n

Oh. Oh.
\nKili. Kili. Kili.<\/p>\n

Oh. Oh.
\nKili. Kili. Kili.<\/p>\n

No apologies
\nKing’ll never see me lie
\nThranduil doesn’t know
\nThat I’m the reason why
\nKili’s floating, Kili’s floating, Kili’s floating (to Lake-town)<\/p>\n

And I heard you moved on
\nFrom birdsong in the trees
\nArrow’s deathblow to Smaug
\nThrain’s gold now waits for free
\nAnd now we’re marching, now we’re marching, now we’re marching<\/p>\n

So we fought at
\nThe Five Armies
\nThen I realise
\nBeard love has doomed me<\/p>\n

I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
\nSo shame on me now
\nBeard took me to
\nPlaces I’d never been
\nTill you ditched me for gold, oh<\/p>\n

I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
\nSo shame on me now
\nBeard took me to
\nPlaces I’d never been<\/p>\n

Now we’re dead on the cold hard ground<\/p>\n

Oh. Oh.
\nKili. Kili. Kili.<\/p>\n

Oh. Oh.
\nKili. Kili. Kili.<\/p>\n

And the tragedy
\nIs our paired demise
\nThat we’ll never meet again.
\nIn Ea. Or in Mandos. Or Anywhere.<\/p>\n

Yeah.<\/p>\n

I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
\nSo shame on me now
\nBeard took me to
\nPlaces I’d never been<\/p>\n

I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
\nSo shame on me now
\nBeard took me to
\nPlaces I’d never been<\/p>\n

Now we’re dead on the cold hard ground<\/p>\n

Oh. Oh.
\nKili. Kili. Kili.<\/p>\n

Oh. Oh.
\nKili. Kili. Kili.<\/p>\n

I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
\nKili. Kili. Kili.<\/p>\n

I thought hot dwarf soon as you walked in
\nKili. Kili. Kili.
\n<\/center>
\n—<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, you’ve probably seen and heard Ian Walters’ hilarious filk Gollum-style parody of the Taylor Swift hit I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":72958,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[136,197,736],"tags":[1310,1824,1559],"class_list":["post-72951","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-barliman-news","category-fans","category-fool","tag-kili","tag-parody","tag-tauriel"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/kili-heart-tauriel.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1tLoH-iYD","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72951","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=72951"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72951\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":72972,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72951\/revisions\/72972"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/72958"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=72951"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=72951"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theonering.net\/torwp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=72951"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}