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Major ‘Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug’ spoilers revealed by German magazine ‘cinema’

German cinema magazine.

German cinema magazine.

German Magazine Cinema, has published a pretty fascinating article all about the second Hobbit movie, “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug,” dropping casual spoilers as if they are common knowledge. What is a little odd is that the magazine doesn’t make clear where it gets quotes from Peter Jackson or Evangeline Lily or Orlando Bloom and it sure doesn’t make clear where all the spoilerific plot information comes from. We can’t vouch for the accuracy of the quotes.

Friends at thorinoakenshield.net have a full online translation of the print publication and since we aren’t German speakers, we can’t say if anything is lost in translation, but it reads pretty clearly.

Here are some highlights but if you read beyond this point, expect full-on potential spoilers! (We can’t say if they are true or not, but the writer surely dishes the info matter-of-factly.)

****Seriously, last chance, major potential spoilers!****

“A greedy dragon, a rather testy skinchanger, a river ride full of action and the battle of the White Council against the Necromancer of Dol Guldur: Middle-earth fans should be prepared for something big; because with “The Hobbit – Desolation of Smaug” (starting December 12th) Peter Jackson will (once again) show all he’s got.”

“A lot of the appendices will also be used in part 2.”

“Hardcore fans will find the revelation of the Necromancer (Benedict Cumberbatch as CGI shadow) as witch master Sauron just in a couple of sentences in the book. And according to Tolkien the pale orc Azog doesn’t survive the Battle of Azanulbizar (in the beginning of “The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey”), while Jackson definitively turns him into Thorin Oakenshield’s arch enemy now. Orcs invading Esgaroth on the other hand was completely invented by Peter Jackson. Just like Tauriel – this young, only 300 years old elf which will add a bit of femininity to the male dominated story.”

“This story needs estrogens”, Evangeline Lilly jokes. And Peter Jackson adds: “Thanks to characters like Tauriel we will discover more about the life in Mirkwood, which is completely different from Rivendell.” But the Silvan pointy-eared beauty is not supposed to be a mere copy of Arwen from the old trilogy. After all the people of the wood elves is a lot more dangerous and suspicious than Elrond and his companions. “We are like ninjas from the undergrowth.” (Lilly)”

“Peter Jackson not only uses additions like this to narrate a coherent chronicle of Middle-earth, he also uses them to sprinkle a little treat for spare time hobbits here and there. For example fanboys will anticipate the first encounter of Legolas and Gloin, father of grumpy dwarf Gimli from the “Rings” films. Other than “An unexpected Journey” the sequel is going to be distinctly darker though, stresses Jackson.

“One climax of the new trilogy, which over 2000 actors and extras worked on, is the death of the dragon. Whether Smaug’s fall will end part 2 however is yet unknown. Certain is that the Battle of the Five Armies will play the center role in “The Hobbit – There and Back Again”.

Those are the highlights and you can read the full translation right here, from ThorinOakenshield.net along with scans of the magazine’s pages while the German publication can be found online here, but we didn’t find a link directly to the article.

Posted in Aidan Turner, Benedict Cumberbatch, Evangeline Lilly, Hobbit Book, Hobbit Cast News, Hobbit Movie, J.R.R. Tolkien, Lee Pace, Orlando Bloom, Peter Jackson, The Hobbit, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, Tolkien

Film Friday: ‘Prometheus’ causes spontaneous clapping

Completely crazy I know, but that evil Queen from “Thor & Bella,” is back. She didn’t die and in fact in the horribly scary future, she travels on space ships to moons that are years away. I don’t mind because she has toned down the freaky, evil magic and instead is just kinda stern but that is what happens to bosses who don’t have full support from management, which she is.

Oh and she isn’t even slightly ugly and does pushups covered with jelly preservatives and sweat, which is pretty sweet. I still don’t think she smiled once in the whole movie but, didn’t bother me.

So the movie I saw is “Prometheus,” but the truth is, it reminds me sooooo much of these shows I remember about aliens with freaky-deaky black banana heads, sharp teeth, slime skin and acid blood. First there was one about just one of these black, creepy-as-bleep death machines (with a robot modeled after the original Bilbo Baggins) and then there was a sequel with dozens of nasty aliens and their way-clingy babies. (more…)

Posted in Film Friday

Film Friday: ‘Snow White & The Huntsman’ review

So, midnight show of “Snow White & The Huntsman,” and the auditorium was stuffed. In the luckiest casting ever, it has Thor and Bella fighting the serial killer Aileen Wuornos from that movie with the little girl from the Adams Family – except this time the serial killer is hot and she is just as much of a monster, but now she is a Queen in fantasy-land too, with way better skin from her freaky, but also sexy, milk baths.

Thor is pretty good in this film but he traded in his hammer for a big ax and he never uses his lightning powers. He can still outfight anybody except the super-creepy brother of the serial-killer-way-evil Queen who made the audience so uncomfortable they giggled sometimes. Strange thing is, Hawkeye is in this too, disguised as a prince or something or, come to think of it, maybe it was Legolas. But this guy had all the cinema arrow hero tricks stuff down cold. I mean, he has definitely studied archery movies hardcore. Plus he is way brave and way defiant of his cautious and always wrong dad who talks a lot but never does anything. And he, the son, is also really handsome. I like girls but I could tell, because all the handsome guys shaved, but only a day or two before the film got made.

Serial-Killer Queen takes over the kingdom because, mostly, she hates kings and then locks the little princess in a tower. The super insecure hot Queen isn’t all bad though because despite claiming that she has wiped out tons of kingdoms before this one, and has killed thousands (and she might be being modest on that one point) she gives Bella really spiffy clothes to have in the tower, especially with those Walt Disney, Snow White puffy shoulders, which also makes her brave in a way because Bella is the only person who could threaten her evil Queening and she doesn’t just kill her to begin with. (more…)

Posted in Film Friday