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Ringer Reviews - The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

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Ringer Review - NAME

Willie T Rib

Date Posted: 2012-12-17
Tolkien Fan Level: 8
Film Format Seen? 2D 24 fps
Will view again in a different format? Yes

In a word...dissapointment. Not at all what I thought (and darn well expected) Jackson would deliver. The tone was so off. When i heard, "trilogy", i thought "great"--more Middle Earth! What i got was Hollywood cliches. 3D is a horrible format for this film especially in the way Peter filmed it. He couldnt do forced perspective, that was flawless (and more real) in LOTR. It seemed that certain shots were dictated by 3D and omitted because of 3D.

Overall, it totally missed the mark for me. Specifically, the following ran the gamet of confusing to ludacris.

* I thought goblins couldnt travel in daylight...Hello???
* The (manufactured) Pale Orc was useless, badly designed and hurts the story. It was insulting to a real fan.
* Hobbits are FAT--and eat all the time. I never saw Bilbo eat one thing!!!! Ian Holm chomping on cheese and asking "I can make you some eggs if you like." was a great scene in character development. We got nothing like that this go around. If Bilbo had become so "complacent", why wasnt he fat!!!
* Dwarves are portly, have long beards, and dont look like, at best, elves or at worst Bachelorette contestants.
* The chase scenes were just stupid. I mean, totally stupid.
* Goblin town was a disaster. Way too much going on to follow. Who in the HECK cut all those 2x6 slats!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is there a goblin carpenter's union. Goblins are NOT craftsmen. Who built the apparent miles of rope and wood walkways??? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
* BUT THE WORST, was the Goblin King. He didnt look like a goblin and had human eyes. He wasnt scary, he wasnt evil-looking. He seemed like an upset school principal who went to Oxford with that accent and perfect english and he was yucking it up like he was doing stand up at the Funny Bon--even as he gets a intestine-spilling sword stroke! PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!
* Wargs were designed better (although they sucked in LOTR) but the CGI was soooooooo fake looking.

I literally could keep beating this dead pony, but my 2 parting shots are...

* I guess the animals wont be talking. MAJOR letdown and wuss out from Jackson. Lame!
* Knock, knock...SMAUG is red and gold!!!!! Hence the name Smaug the Golden. Peter, wtf were you thinking making him blue?????

Well i'm blue in the face frustated!!!!! Hobbit film #2 can come whenever it comes. I will see it, but i am NOT counting the days.

Based on the track record and story potential, this was a F-L-O-P!:-(

The Ratings
The Other Ratings
Martin Freeman 's performance as Bilbo Baggins?
Richard Armitage 's performance as Thorin?
The Overall representation of The Dwarves ?
Andy Serkis' performance as Gollum?
Ian McKellen's performance as Gandalf?
Bilbo's retelling of the history of Erebor and of Thror/Thrain/Thorin
The Eagles rescue sequence?
The Goblin King ?
Initial impression of Thranduil?
Hugo Weaving's performance as Elrond?
Radagast's portrayal in the movie?
The representation of Goblintown?
Cate Blanchett's performance as Galadriel?
The Bag End Supper scene?
The scene of the Trolls?
The representation of the Arkenstone?
The Stone Giants?
Escape from the Goblin cave?
Riddles in the Dark scene?
The return to Rivendell?
The attack on the party by the Wargs
The first glimpses of Smaug?
The ending of the movie; in regards to leading well into the next film, and serving as a good ending point.
The overall pace of the film
Peter Jackson's vision in bringing the Hobbit to the big screen.

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